She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
