The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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