yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Farmville is her only friend.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
