Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
