Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
