I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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