Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
