i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
