I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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