I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
