never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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