The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
3 2 1 whiskey
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
