i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
