Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
