Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
