My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
