Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
