there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
