Well douche your snatch and let's go!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
