either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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