just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
ttyl tear gas
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
