she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
