just come out here and I will go home with you...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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