Your face is a jimmy john
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
