I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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