his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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