I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
