just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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