I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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