He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
