Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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