I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
