just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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