What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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