no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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