Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
