Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it's like heaven, but drunker
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
