you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
