I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
