When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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