So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
