Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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