Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
