Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
