Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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