You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
