Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
