Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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