And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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