i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
