I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
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Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
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This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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