Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
