I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
