and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
