can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
