I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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