Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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