The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
