Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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