i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
