i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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