She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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