He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
