when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
