Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
