I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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