thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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