More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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