i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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