a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
