did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Pants are for mortals
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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