I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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