My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
